Dear Sangha Friends
It is over 3 months since I shared news of my cancer diagnosis, just before I went to hospital for major abdominal surgery. I had been told that the extent of the surgery could not be determined until they began operating and in fact it proved to be more extensive than planned, lasting five and a half hours and including a bowel resection, removal of my appendix, omentum and spleen and a lot more. I was fortunate to have a wonderful surgeon, Professor Fotopoulou, a specialist in the area of gynaecological oncology, and during the operation she and her team were able to remove all visible cancer.
The surgery is being followed up by 6 cycles of chemotherapy together with a targetted anti-cancer therapy drug which I will continue to receive for a few months when my treatment has moved to the maintenance phase. Last week, I met with Professor Iain McNeish, a senior oncologist who shared that the latest test tracking cancer markers in my blood is now within the normal range. So although I was told that there is a high possibility of the cancer recurring, my prognosis is looking a lot better than before. I still have a way to go on my healing journey but I had my fourth chemo treatment this week so only two more cycles to go. That’s a relief as the treatments leave me feeling pretty rough (though usually much better in the week before the next cycle).
However, the chemotherapy treatments do have a cumulative impact, with side effects becoming stronger, including feeling exhausted and suffering from ‘brain fog’ which makes it harder to focus, to remember, to communicate clearly, difficult to plan and organise my thoughts. It is clear that my recovery will take many more months and l have decided to step down as Chair of the West London Buddhist Centre. I need to prioritise my healing and won’t have the capacity to meet the demands of the role for a long time. And the centre needs a Chair!
When I passed on the spiritual and practical responsibilities of centre chair to a leadership team of Amalavajra, Amlanadhi, Maitripushpa and Viryanaga, I knew the centre would be in good hands. Individually and collectively they have exceeded all my expectations, dealing with constantly changing conditions while also planning how to build more positive, sustainable conditions to support the spiritual growth of the sangha in the future. Alongside that they have provided friendship and spiritual inspiration while working together with the centre team of Andy and Alex and all our fantastic sangha volunteers as well as through their teaching. They also played an important role supporting Tarakarunya before her shocking and sudden death, within a month of her being diagnosed with a rare form of cancer which had metastasised to her brain.
The team has had many unanticipated and extremely difficult challenges to deal with, including the` collapse of the mains and broken pipe outside the centre which has resulted in the continued closure of the centre, due to part of the lower ground floor being flooded with sewage and the centre being cut off from our water supply. Our financial situation has been greatly impacted and I’m sure dealing with Thames Water and doing everything to get the centre back and running is a major task.
There are a lot of immediate, urgent and long-term decisions that need to be made in order to help the centre not just survive at this critical time but to put in place the conditions it needs to thrive in the future. I am not in a position to help with this and, to be honest, even if I was I don’t have the skills. So it seems an appropriate time to step down, allowing a new Chair with the energy, skills and vision to guide the West London Buddhist Centre through this next phase.
It’s part of the cycle of a Triratna Buddhist centre for each Chair to handover to someone else. The first Sangha Night I attended at the West London Buddhist Centre I witnessed Jinananda handing over to Paramananda who in January 2017 handed the role on to me. I had already been in some discussions about looking for a successor before my cancer diagnosis and it feels an appropriate time for me to step down.
I love the sangha and I love the centre so this is not a goodbye. When my health permits my intention is to continue to teach at the centre and have more time to meet up with people, developing and deepening friendships, and supporting those wanting to deepen their practice including those wishing to get ordained. Paramananda and I will be leading a remembrance and rejoicing for our dear friend and teacher Tarakarunya at the centre, likely late October so you may see me then. In the meantime I will focus on my own spiritual practice which at the moment involves a lot of being with my present experience (whatever that is) and a lot of letting go.
Finally, I want to say a big thank you. I have really appreciated all the care and support I have received during my journey so far, from the time of the diagnosis until now. The cards, messages, flowers and gifts, the metta and healing energy from meditations, mantras and pujas have meant a lot to me and I know they have played a very positive role in my healing. May all blessings be yours!
With metta,
Bodhilila
[after spending 9 weeks post-surgery with a friend, Bodhilila is now home and enjoying her wonderful garden. Cards can be sent to her at 36e Avenue Gardens, Action W3 8HB]
