Kamalashila was one of the earliest public preceptors, one of three Order members whom Sangharakshita asked to carry out ordinations on his behalf in India in 1985. In all, he became a preceptor to 38 Order members. In the 1990s he lived at Madhyamaloka as part of the Preceptors' College Council, and subsequently was active in the Preceptors’ College.
Below, four Public Preceptors – Sanghadevi, Satyaraja, Ashokashri and Nagabodhi – rejoice in, and share memories of, Kamalashila. On Sunday November 17th, you can join an online live stream of a memorial service and practice day for Kamalashila, held by Yashobodhi and friends from the North London Buddhist Centre. Find out more here.
Portrait of Kamalashila (Viramati); other portraits (Dhammarati)
+++
Sanghadevi
I was with Kamalashila in meetings of the College and College Council since about 1995. Back then we used to spend two one month periods a year together at Madhyamaloka; the smaller body of initially 5 Public Preceptors with the larger body of the Council comprising Public Preceptors and Centre Presidents. In time most of the Presidents became Public Preceptors, Kamalashila being one of them. However Kamalashila had in fact already conducted Public Ordinations; of twenty men mitras in India on Bhante's behalf back in Dec 1985. [Subhuti and Suvajra accompanied him as private preceptors]. In his book Bringing Buddhism to the West Subhuti observes that ; 'the ceremonies were conducted with complete success, no-one doubted the validity of the ordinations, in fact everyone rejoiced that the spiritual vitality of the Movement had been expressed in this way.'
Kamalashila was a very generous person. Over the years I've observed his responsiveness, his generosity manifesting in various ways. A couple of memories specifically from those early days at Madhyamaloka; we didn't always have a cook available to support our one month at home periods at Madhyamaloka. Kamalashila had both a willingness and real flair for knocking up simple tasty dinners for all of us very quickly after lengthy daily meetings, both morning and afternoon which he and the rest of us had all participated in. He was grounded, relaxed and focused in the kitchen and just got on with the meal prep very efficiently.
Another memory was at the end of one of our retreat periods; Subhuti had been leading and asked that we bring along to the final puja a gift from amongst our personal possessions for each person on the retreat. I was really struck by the gifts Kamalashila gave. Two I particularly recall were a beautiful mandala set he gave to Subhuti and a mala he gave to me. He had made the mala from amber beads he had brought home from Estonia. It is very light to handle, warm to the touch and a lovely yellow orange colour. As a Manjughosha practitioner I still treasure this mala.
Kamalashila loved meditating and led lots of meditation retreats over the years; in the UK and further afield; in retreat centres and under canvas. He was also the first person in the Order to write a book on meditation. It was Kamalashila who began the process of sorting out all the different meditation practices Bhante had received from his teachers. They were housed in the so called 'Sadhana Box' which Bhante handed over to him whilst at Madhyamaloka. The fruit of his, and later others', work is now available on the private and public preceptors' webpages.
In the course of his years as a College member Kamalashila would raise topics and feed in thoughts, reflections and observations pertaining to meditation in our community. For example, in our November 2016 meeting he presented a paper entitled 'Guardianship of deep practice'. And in December 2019 Kamalashila facilitated a retreat at Maes Gwyn; a concrete offering by him to support deep practice in the Order which I had the good fortune to join for a month. Here I saw Kamalashila in his natural element; in wild nature, in a meditative context. He led the retreat; 'holding the space' for the rest of us to get on with our meditation undisturbed. The deal was that we lived together largely in silence. During the day, and for some of the evening sessions too, we followed our own threads of interest and inspiration with no teaching input. However on several evenings each week he fed in enriching and stimulating material principally through the medium of sadhana-like pujas or puja-like sadhanas where with drum and cymbal his sense of rhythm and play ensured that our mantra recitation took off instead of fading out fast. He also introduced teachings from Milarepa, sharing his reflections on them with us. There were readings from other sources too on topics such as preparation for death. Then there were bi-weekly meditation reviews and a weekly get together for an hour after supper of the whole retreat to share with each other and him how we were getting on. He was earthed, relaxed, spontaneous and interested in how we were all doing on the retreat, and his manner of teaching was inviting, inquiring, empowering, which I appreciated. He printed off copies of everything he introduced, including full colour images to accompany several of the pujas we did. All done on his little printer. I thought this very generous of him... goodness knows how many ink cartridges he went through over the course of those two months!
About a month after this retreat ended in late February 2020, the UK Covid lockdown struck, and our retreat centres and public centres had to shut their doors. Kamalashila was one of the first people in our community to adapt swiftly to this new situation. He shifted onto an online teaching platform and was soon attracting a lot of Order members to his retreats; 6 Elements; The Bardo; The Lineage of the Wisdom Goddess Prajnaparamita, to name just a few from 2020 which 'culminated' in a 3 month home retreat running from 21st Nov 2020 to 20 Feb 2021. Then more online week long retreats throughout 2021 culminating in another 3 month retreat Dec 21- late Feb 22. In this way he continued offering regular retreats as well as some weekly classes right up until his health no longer allowed him to engage with us in this way.
Four plus years of an incredible outpouring of generosity and creativity which brought together Order members from across the world in a virtual community that really worked; new friendships were forged; old friends from across the world got to share being on retreat together; those who for various reasons were rarely able to go on a physical retreat due to conditions such as poor health, limited finances, or living in a very remote setting suddenly found they were able to avail themselves of high calibre Order retreats from home, all given on a dana basis. I went on several of these retreats. They were wonderful. Kamalashila was so utterly himself; relaxed, open, down to earth and very much sharing himself and his practice with us. On the longer winter retreats it became clear that we were very much practising alongside him; yes, he was undoubtedly guiding us/the retreat, yet what he was guiding us into exploring was what he himself was still very much exploring, so everything felt very fresh and open.
His death is a tremendous loss to the Order. However we are fortunate Kamalashila had the presence of mind to ensure that all he offered over those years online was recorded and that as soon as he became aware of how seriously ill he was a team of volunteers emerged who will hopefully help to ensure all these resources will remain accessible into the future. Please do watch out for any notices about the Kamalashila Legacy Fund and how to contribute to it as it will need some funding to maintain an ongoing web presence.
With deep gratitude to you Kamalashila.
Sanghadevi, October 2024
+++
Satyaraja
Honouring Kamalashila. This is a very personal account. I first met Kamalashila as a fairly new mitra, when I went to Vajraloka for the first time in 1980 and straightaway he became a significant figure for me. I already had a great love for meditation. We kept up contact during the intervening years until I moved to Vajraloka and lived there from 1989 – 1995. For me, right from the start, he embodied something more clearly than any Order member I knew, apart from Bhante. That is, a particular type of depth, which I can only describe as the lokuttara. We used to meet up regularly, every week, and he became a good friend and meditation mentor. It was not always easy and sometimes our communication was blocked, awkward or irritable and because of this on one occasion I asked if he thought we should continue to meet. He replied that 'of course we should continue to meet!' This did not always change the communication, but importantly, it meant we could both relax, knowing that we were both committed to the friendship.
Before I moved to Sweden in 1995, I decided to ask Kamalashila and Padmavajra to be my KMs. I feel very fortunate to have had such excellent, though very different but complementary KMs. We continued to meet when I visited and later I went to stay with him and Yashobodhi at Trevince House, Eco Dharma and Hampstead. Usually what we did was very simple; we would study a meditation text and then meditate together. Then a few years ago Kamalashila and Yashobodhi moved to Suffolk, just twenty miles from Padmaloka and I would regularly go over for the day to study and meditate together for the two or three years he lived there. That was one of the highlights of my life at that time and I am so glad that we had that time. My life would have been immeasurably poorer without it.
Among many qualities, what stood out for me was Kamalashila's dedication to the Dharma. His life was completely lived for the Dharma and the exploration of Truth. Everything occurred within that context. Then he was also a very loyal and warm friend to many people and could be a lot of fun to be with, quite playful. He was very independent and determined in his life and practice and went his own way. He had great courage in the way he lived and how he faced his own death.
I felt that in the last few years, starting with lockdown and teaching online, he really found his means of communication. In his last years his creativity was pouring out of him, always coming from the depth of his own experience, insights and explorations. And he was able to reach so many people, including Order members who could not get on a residential retreat, through age or sickness.
There is a passage in one of the Milarepa seminars, where Rechungpa is leaving for India and Milarepa is sad, weeping because he is old and knows that he is going to die and he realises that he will never see Rechungpa again. Bhante comments that when two individuals come into contact, certain possibilities open up and Milarepa realises that that has come to an end. I have no concerns about Kamalashila's welfare, my strong sense is that he is fine and that he has moved on. But I do feel certain possibilities in communication have come abruptly to an end and I valued that so much and I miss him.
Satyaraja, October 2024
+++
Ashokashri
I’ve known Kamalashila forever. He led several meditation retreats for women in the early days of Vajraloka. I followed his pursuit of full time meditation practice and maybe if I was a man I might well have joined him. He spoke to the yogi in me but I was called in other directions. In many ways he stood alone pursuing what he needed to penetrate the truth of things.
We reconnected when I joined the College, I was so pleased to do so. He seemed to be able to carry the importance of the College and to hold it lightly; he added greatly to the College’s exploration of topics, always being willing to question and look at things from an open-minded perspective. And at that time he was living in West London and I worked in that area so occasionally called in to see Yashobodhi and of course him too. Discussions with him were thought provoking.
More recently I have taken part in a few online retreats with him, most appreciated was an exploration of Kurukulle. I didn’t attend many, but I did really appreciate his weekly sessions on Anapanasati and Sadhana after he took ill. On those he seemed to be getting right to the core of things, what was essential in practice – it spoke directly. He knew what the stakes were and anything unnecessary fell away.
Since his return to London, we met several times to go to art exhibitions, I enjoyed these immensely and expected them to go on regularly, and perhaps that’s what I’ll miss most. His response to art was always original, he looked closely and brought to my attention things that I hadn’t seen. Whilst looking at the El Anatsui works in the Turbine Hall, Tate Modern, his eyes were drawn to the very topmost of the back side of the work. Who would have known that would have held something important? He did.
I recently called him a maverick. These days that word can carry negative connotations in some areas, but not to me in relation to Kamalashila. He was unorthodox, he thought independently; this was a delight. Being with Kamalashila, one didn’t know what to expect, you didn’t know how he would respond. He had a freedom of mind, which invariably challenged what one was already thinking, what one had already absorbed from others. I liked that.
I hear so many people say how much he has transformed their meditation practice into something that is effective and joyful, after years of struggle. He will be sorely missed by so many, thank goodness he’s left a whole archive of meditation and puja practices for Dharma practitioners to benefit from, for generations to come.
Ashokashri, October 2024
+++
Nagabodhi
As a friend put it, 'This is one of the big ones!' Yes, a foundational member of our sangha, and for many of us a long-time friend.
He seemed to appear one day at Pundarika, our centre in North London. He sat in the front row holding a perfectly upright lotus posture for all 90 minutes of Bhante's talk, an extravagant bush of hair dominating his aspect and a mini tape-recorder resting on the carpet beside his knee, Some years later he guided me to a field near Vajraloka, where we picked enough horse mushrooms to feed the retreat. At times, between bouts of meditation, the sound of his typewriter filled the valley as he externalised the fruits of his work on the cushion: an essay, an article for one of our magazines, a book on meditation. A year or so before that, Vajradaka claimed he'd seen Kamalashila's entire skeleton when, while converting an old building into the first West London Buddhist centre, he'd innocently stuck a screwdriver into a faulty fuse-box. There wasn't much Kamalashila wasn't prepared to try.
We inhabited neighbouring rooms at Madhyamaloka community in Birmingham. Somewhat reclusive, he would spend his days and nights hunched over a computer, writing for sure, but also taking boyish pleasure in mastering—and sharing—the little tweaks and keyboard shortcuts he discovered.
Meditator, writer, techie, recluse, and avid online communicator, he could be sunnily outward-going, curious, invitational and encouraging, and at other times waspishly opinionated and defiantly forthright, at least among close friends. While my mother was declining he'd ride a train out to Virginia Water for a catch-up. We'd spend the afternoon ambling around the lake near her care home, putting the world to rights. Never sure how others saw him or his ideas, he would be tempted to shut himself away. But, actually the evidence is clear that he never stopped finding ways of sharing and expressing himself, nor gave up striving to be his own kind of individual.
He'd get an invitation, or an itch, listen to the promptings of his opinions or spiritual ideals, and then do what it took to honour them. He'd help to build a retreat centre, spend eighteen months alone in the seriously basic conditions of Tipi Valley, take on the life and robes of an anagarika, sit and learn with Shenpen Hookham, follow up a nagging Dharma point with Bhante, write a book or add another comment to a Facebook thread, offer himself as a private then public preceptor, take on the presidency of the fledgling Buddhafield project, or teach the Dharma in Helsinki, Estonia and St Petersburg… Why not? His confidence and self-belief waxed gradually, over time, along with a kind of fearlessness in his words and in the way he lived his life.
Soon after his first diagnosis, when he thought he had maybe three months to live, I spent a day with him and Yashobodhi. He wasn't terribly comfortable, and had very little appetite, but he was not in any great pain. He seemed grounded, unfussy about his condition, stoic in a positive way. Deeply sensitive to Yashobodhi's experience of their situation, and receptive to her concern that he shouldn't overtax his resources, he nevertheless engaged wholeheartedly in conversation and was full of plans – for interviews, for getting more of his talks transcribed, and for getting more lectures and meditations onto the internet. He was also busy giving possessions away.
He didn't want a fuss made of his death, and wanted his funeral event to be held at the West London Centre, the centre/sangha with which he felt most connected. When I suggested they'd need to hire a bigger room we joked, at the time and in subsequent emails, about his failure to recognise how much he meant to so many people. Finally he sent a one-line email: 'Do you think 400 might be about right?' I wrote back, 'That's stretching it, but you never know…'
Weeks later he was back, there had been a mistake, it looked like his condition was curable. He replied to my relieved email: 'Yes it's terrific news, I'm so happy to be alive again and what a strange feeling that is.'
Well, we know what happened next. A strange and cruel twist. How hard it must have been for Kamalashila and above all for Yashobodhi. I put it that way because, for Kamalashila, there was something about him in the early days of his diagnosis that seemed to be sort of ready, or at least open. Of course he would have wanted to live longer, do more, write more, practice deeper, and enjoy the new life in London he was making with Yashobodhi, the woman he loved. Of course. And yet, from the hospice, his sister Zoe sent me a WhatsApp "…I did his final reading (tarot). and I drew the best card for him, 'The World'".
I'm told it's a card that represents 'completion'.
Nagabodhi, October 2024